best friend: man we are awesome. bros for life!
me: yeah man, we have such a good friendship nothing could stop our friendship
best friend: yeah! unless you break up with your girlfriend. then idk
me: i would be honored if you were next in line. we could still be friends though
friend: nah
me: … why?
friend:
me:
friend:
me:
stranger:
me: what the fuck.

im done growing up